February 28, 2007

by Reb Yudel
Top 12 Rudy Guliani gestures to please Jewish voters

With Rudy Giuliani ahead of John "The Panderer" McCain in a recent poll of Republican voters (40% -18%!) now seems an opportune time resurrect a slight piece of humor from the archives of the late, lamented Jewish Communications Network.

Herewith, then, from the golden days of the 20th century (1995? 96? Memory grows hazy!), YudelLine proudly re-presents:

Top 12 Rudolph Giuliani gestures to please Jewish voters

1. Inducts NYPD policemen on Mount Massada

2. Changes name to Rudy Golan

3. Recognizes Likud as the legitimate representative of the Israeli people

4. Suspends alternate side of the street parking for Tu Bishvat

5. Promises job of schools chancellor to Shas, the ultra-Orthodox Israeli party

6. Renames Washington Square to Baruch Goldstein Square (corner of Waverly and Kahane)

7. Poses nude for Tikkun magazine

8. Dips the Big Apple in honey in Times Square on New Year's Eve

9. Institutes mandatory moment of kvetching in Public Schools

10. Changes name of city to Nu York

11. Bans Wagner from Lincoln Center concerts

12. Refuses to shake wife's hand because she's married to a gentile


Were it not for the fear that we would loose our non-profit status for attacking a republican, I would have read this at the shul at Purim!

Posted by: Robert Dick at March 5, 2007 7:56 AM

But do you recall why we ran 12 items and not, as would have been apropriate for a Jewish website, 13?

Posted by: Yori yanover at March 5, 2007 9:15 AM

While jewish voters certainly count, I think the real group that Rudy et al seek to please to win elections is more of the jewish monied elite. Doesn't change the wisdom of your 12 gestures, but just a strategic/demographic detail.

Posted by: michael at March 8, 2007 12:05 PM
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