February 6, 2006

by Reb Yudel
David Holzel solves the Conservative dilemma: "MOR Judaism. It isn’t less Judaism."

David Holzel speaks to two high-profile Conservative rabbis, and then offers his own opinion:

Try this experiment. Well, it’s a game, actually. It’s called “Who would belong to a Conservative Synagogue?”

Of the Three Stooges:
Moe would be Orthodox.
Curly, Reform.
And Larry? Conservative.

Now, the Marx Brothers. Even Zeppo wouldn’t be the Conservative Jew. Gummo would. Gummo.

Great Jewish songwriters of our time: Bob Dylan–Orthodox. Paul Simon–Reform. Neil Diamond–Conservative.
So what to do? Time for rebranding:
We could follow the Kentucky Fried Chicken paradigm, and reduce Conservative Judaism to its initials, thereby removing information about the product that could discourage consumers. That gives us CJ. Or CeeJay.

The movement could embrace its inner middle-of-the-roadness with a name like MOR Judaism. "MOR Judaism. It isn’t less Judaism."
Go ahead: Read it all.


Oddly, no one in the Conservative movement has called me for help.

Posted by: David H. at February 11, 2006 1:37 PM
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