In the flurry of concern over assimilation, American Jews have ignored an incredible but insidious transformation. As Americans become more accepting of Jewish men, receding antisemitism has had a real but overlooked effect on relations between Jewish men and Jewish women.
One of the most interested changes of the past 100 years has been American attitudes towards Jewish men. At the turn of the century, the influx of East European immigrants made Jews a visible presence in American society. A wave of antisemitism promptly followed. In those days of antisemitic stereotype, it was Jewish men who bore much of society's condemnation, crudely caricatured as hunchbacked, crook-nosed, money-grubbing, sneaky, dirty menÐmodern day Shylocks. Jewish women were largely spared, partially from misogynistic chivalry but largely from indifference: hatred usually springs from fear and 100 years ago Americans did not fear Jewish women.
A century later the tide has turned: Jewish men are considered "in" while Jewish women bear the brunt of society's antisemitic stereotypes. In the winter issue of Culturefront, Riv-Ellen Prell notes that "The Jewish American Princess is one of the few Jewish stereotypes to emerge following World War II." Old-time antisemitism (read anti-male) receded sharply after the war and the shocking revelations of the Holocaust. "JAP" stereotypes and antisemitic misogyny rose to replace them. As distressing as the current demonizing of Jewish women is, it wouldn't be quite so bad if so many Jewish men weren't joining the attacks as quickly as they can lap up their newly crowned status as America's most desirable husband.
What does it mean that Jewish men are "in"? Ample evidence can be found by taking a simple poll of America's favorite pastime, television. A quick survey of '90s hit television shows produces a litany of desirable Jewish men, including David Schwimmer on Friends, Paul Reiser on Mad About You and ER's Mark Green. Jewish men are considered good marriage material: highly educated, stable, upper middle class, sensitive, family oriented, not violent and generally responsible. But the Jewish community pays a stiff price for the popularity of Jewish men: the stereotyping of Jewish women. The Jewish men who produce and write television shows don't create Jewish women characters because they don't like Jewish women. The 50% difference in intermarriage rates between Los Angeles (75%) and New York City (25%) is not a coincidence.
Lost in the Jewish community's national mobilization to combat interfaith marriages has been any focus, not to mention discussion, of Jewish men's attitudes toward Jewish women. It is not uncommon to hear Jewish men (and boys) complaining to one another, or nodding in agreement with their non-Jewish friends, that Jewish women are too pushy, assertive, materialistic, aggressive. . . What they really mean, but refuse to say, is a/ educated and b/ independent. Jewish women are too educated and as a result, too independent for many Jewish men who want to be supported but never challenged.
Most of the complaints that Jewish men voice derive from fear. Jewish women are more highly educated and more financially independent than any other group of American women. These are exactly the kind of women American men do not like. The highly publicized battle in recent years over affirmative action has focused on the allegation that "undeserving" blacks or Hispanics were taking jobs from more qualified whites. In reality, during the past 30 years men have been most concerned with the influx of women into the work force, taking "men's" jobs and upsetting the traditional family balance. Jewish men funnel their resentment of their co-religionists into the convenient "JAP" stereotype. The contradiction is apparent‹aren't "JAPs" those women who refuse to work?‹but the reality is that men use the term to refer to women who expect or desire too much of anything, not only money and clothes. Increasingly Jewish women want good jobs, and these expectations apparently fit comfortably into the ever evolving "JAP" stereotype.
Ironically, Jewish parents have unwittingly been laying the groundwork for a major wake-up call to Jewish menÐparticularly those involved in Jewish leadershipÐmost of whom have been content to ignore any problems in inter-sex relations. The Jewish camps and youth movements that serve as the training ground for the next generation of Jewish leaders increasingly exhibit a preponderance of girls. I cannot recall a time when girls did not outnumber boys at camp, in youth movement activities, on Israel trips, even at college Hillels. It won't be long before the balance in the upper levels of Jewish leadership begins to shift decisively in favor of a female majority, since this group of women leaders will be joined by the growing numbers of women rabbis.
The American Jewish community, in a manner reminicant of Israel1s attempts to postpone an all out war between secular and religious Jews by citing the country1s pressing security needs., has traditionally prioritized the fight against antisemitism over internal divisions. Conflicts between the sexes haave been no exception. But now that the battle against interfaith marriages has taken center stage, perhaps Jewish leaders will begin to examine more closely how Jewish men and women view one another. And undoubtedly many will be amazed at the deep divisions that exist and are exacerbated daily. While hindsight is 20/20, if people had begun to pay attention to intermarriage when Jewish men were marrying non-Jews at three times the rate of Jewish women, the current 50% figure might not be such a shock. After all, if Jewish men continued to reject Jewish women, it would only be a matter of time before Jewish women responded in kind.
Mik Moore is the editor of New Voices.